Study Abroad in Cambodia
by Sarah Hintz, Nursing Student
Today (Thu 5/21) some of the Community Health clinical groups were able to partner with HOPE organization and participate in HIV home visits. Even though it was only for half of a day, I feel that it was one of the most impacting parts of our trip. There were only four of us; Cassie, Dani, Sarah (our wonderful social worker and leader during the visits), and myself, who went on the home visits. Other groups went to the hospital to help with nursing check-offs, which we eventually also got to be involved in. It was so exciting to be with these nurses and see them take the knowledge they knew to relate it to real-life situations and understand the concepts of what they were learning.
On these Home visits, we brought rice, supplies and other items of food to four families. I had also planned on bringing little snacks and stickers for children there. For the first three homes, I would listen to the patient’s story but would soon direct my attention on the little children, so that I would not be overwhelmed by it all. Overwhelmed by the place that they lived, their health condition, lack of food, lack of clothing…etc. I put up walls around my heart because it was hard to just drop off food and take pictures with them and leave. It felt so wrong. There is so much more to them than just a quick briefing of their “main issues”, and their lack. I couldn’t let myself get emotionally involved.
As we were riding in the Tuk-Tuk to our last hom, I was asking God why did I feel so disconnected. He said, “Sarah you love to commit to people and be their support long term but in the midst of that you have forgotten to include me in the moment. You have forgotten that I am their provider, you have forgotten that I am their healer, you have forgotten that I weep over them also, you have forgotten that I am the one that has been with them since the beginning of their lives and I know their end from their beginning.” Then He began to ask me gentle questions that seemed answered already. “Sarah, do you trust me? Do you trust me with the plans that I have over your life? Do you trust me with their lives? Do you believe that I am Good?” He continued to say, “Sarah, don’t you know that I planned each day and knew that you would be visiting these people? Why do you discount it just because it is not how you prefer? Sarah, I knew that you would only have these small moments with these families but they matter to me, you are my daughter and I am sending you to them because I know what they need. What you are about to do is sufficient enough. I am enough.”
As the Tuk-Tuk brakes squeaked to a halt, I felt that the walls crumbled away. While walking down the ally to reach the last house, there was a peace. In the begging, I started to repeat the same cycle of paying attention to the children that came. Then I felt a deep desire in my heart to just be with this beautiful women, no matter how much time we had left. I wanted to be present. We walked inside of her house and met her daughter, she skipped school today because she did not have enough money to be able to go to school. It costs a dollar a day to attend. Our Hope leader/translator told us more about what was going on in her life. As I look at the woman who is standing in her house built on the side of the road, without a sturdy foundation, tears ran down her face as she told him she only had two eggs for today; furthermore, how she is so scared that any day she will be evicted by the government. With the walls around my heart gone, all I wanted to do is hold her and cry with her. I hugged her and then just knew all we could do is include God in the moment. We prayed with her. When we found out about her only having two eggs, I pulled out my snack bag. As I was handing over each granola bar and fruit strip, I felt the peace that even though it was a small amount I remembered the Lord saying He is enough. I felt that I was giving her a life-time supply of food. Looking back I never was angry or upset that I did not have more to give; the small amount felt like it was enough. It was not and is not my job to ensure they are fed everyday, but I was able to be apart of God’s provision. It was my joy to give everything I had and not count how much I had lost or how much it still lacked. I was present for that moment and invited God back to have first place in my heart and in the lives of others.
I stepped out of the wooden unstable house and knew that God was replacing FEAR with TRUST. We can Trust Him. When offense raises in our hearts; when our lives seem to be falling apart; when we feel defeated; when we experience loss; when the pain never ceases; when we think about the course of our lives; Do we Trust Jesus with it all? One question that I have been asking God lately, in my own personal life and about the country of Cambodia, is that; why does it take so much loss to refine HOPE? All I can conclude, so far, is that it takes us to lose everything to have HOPE. It takes everything we have ever been dependent on to cause us to be dependent on Jesus and Him only. His desire is to be allowed to have first place in our hearts and lives. I kind of find it ironic that the Hospital and organization we are working with is Called Hope Worldwide. Jesus is bringing Hope to the Hopeless and His plans are to reveal himself as the source of HOPE, worldwide.
It was a good day.