It is just awful...the shame of it all...an innocent sedan, quietly parked, finds itself posted. A sticky situation in Belmont University's parking garage...one vehicle severely attached with post-it notes. A group identifying itself only as the Diarrhea Hoodlums has taken credit for yesterday's theorist attack but failed to explain the rationale for going post-it.
An anonymous student is reported to have said, "What do you expect. All this emphasis on research here on campus has made it a hotbed of theorists...there are even drummers here on campus disguising themselves as musicians...thesbians who claim to be Baptists...and dietary studies people who actually eat in the carbo-feteria...this erruption of post-its was inevitable".
Another unnamed ( but reliable) source on Belmont's staff reported, "We were afraid this was going to happen...efforts to squelch student spirit over the last decade have crumbled. These post-it hoodlums didn't even follow procedure for getting signage approved! Good grief, roudy students are gathering in MOB-like fashion at events such as women's volleyball, cheering and screaming, and refusing to sit down...whatever happened to Belmont's historical, finishing school decorum of quietly watching a sporting event...and now this!"
Efforts to contact the Belmont security officer who holds the single bullet in his shirt pocket were unsuccessful...and Metro police gathered at the nearby Circle K precinct were not available for comment due to an unexpected Krispy Kreme delivery.
(MMM) Film at 11...